I’ve wandered toward a renewed interest in being present, partly from my recent consistency with meditation, and partly from reading some of Eckhart Tolle. It’s certainly been a journey back, and not at all easy. We’re thinking all the time, and the incessant noise is difficult for me to stop. However I have found it fun to try to “watch the thinker,” as Tolle puts it. I definitely believe there is something deeper than what we normally attribute as the ego or the self. It’s satisfying to explore it.

I still remember very vividly one of the two times I remained present for more than several moments. I actually don’t know exactly how long the duration was, because it was completely surreal. It was back when I was living in Beijing; I had been reading Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth,” and after digesting a particularly profound passage while riding the subway on my way home, I put the book down and let go. I was fully conscious, yet entered a different world. I could feel the ten or so people sitting in the seats around me. I could feel their bodies and their presence. I noticed the air of the train whipping down our car, seeing the bits of rubbish floating along the floor. All my senses were activated, and it was invigorating. I had “no mind.”

I’m seeking to return to that state, if nothing more to learn, to deepen my understanding and my experience of this life. It’s such a beautiful mystery. I can’t help but be grateful we have the chance to live it.