Honey, Honey, Honey

“You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” is one of those quotes so familiar one rolls their eyes. How obvious right? But if it’s so easy, why aren’t we living it? 

In today’s world everyone seems to quickly default to vinegar. The benefit of the doubt is hard to come by.

Maybe it’s because we now live through screens. We miss the context, the facial cues, the changes in voice inflection in this medium. Maybe any increased self-centeredness derives from the nature of the medium. With so little personal interaction, we could just be out of practice.

It could be leadership’s example. Like it or not, our politicians are our country’s leaders, and they set an example for the rest of us. When the President publicly belittles others and rejects any and all criticism, people see that and, whether consciously or subconsciously, they emulate it. Many Representatives and state leaders display similar behavior.

Perhaps stress and anxiety from economic uncertainty drives our reactivity. With so much unknown, and the stakes seemingly so high, it’s faster and easier to resort to harshness instead of kindness. We retreat into our tribal groups, fermenting hostility toward the other. Any kindness is perceived as weakness in an increasingly competitive world.

So how can we choose kindness in a world set up for vinegar? By doing just that, choosing. Each and every one of us holds the immutable power to choose. And our choices, collectively, can transform society. 

Maybe the simplest way for us to improve our global mood is to focus on honey. It can be a memorable mantra we recite to ourselves. Honey, honey, honey. When we ask our boss to leave early, we think honey. When someone cuts us off in traffic, we think honey. Raising our children, we can embody honey. Even when advocating our politics, we speak with honey.  

What if honey makes the world go round?

Newborn Wisdom

I’ve found new wisdom from my newborn. When you have a baby you’re provided all this general advice. Some actual guidelines from our healthcare provider:

• In the first 24 hours, your baby will be sleepy

• After the first day, your new baby will need to eat at least 8 to 12 times a day

• It’s normal for babies to feed several times closer together, or “cluster feed”

• Expect to change about 7 to 10 diapers a day

• Crying is your baby’s way of talking to you

• Baby will be noisy with grunts, sneezes, and hiccups, they are learning & developing their digestion

• Touch is their primary communication language, the first way they learn about their environment and themselves, so do skin to skin as much as possible

Learning all this as a first-time parent, something struck me. There is no accounting for race, ethnicity, culture or gender. None of those characteristics affect baby behavior or guidelines for their care. Babies are babies.

In a way, this reinforces we are more similar than different. We all begin from the same starting place. We grow and change and blossom into distinct individuals, but we all start the same. Individual babies may have specific behaviors and preferences, but holistically, they all eat, sleep and poop. They prove we are, in fact, all equal. We’re all human.

In a world focused on differences, it helps to remember we all entered this world alike. Our sameness precedes our distinctions. Babies, show us the way.

Eye of the Storm

The world seems to rage like a storm outside. Sheltered in our home, I’ve been perfectly content within the bubble of our newly grown family, only distantly aware of the outrage, the despair, the rollicking tide of emotions outside. I haven’t read the news or listened to any podcasts—although I’ve gained Joe Rogan’s guests are gloating with glee, while the likes of Kyle Kulinski and NPR appear to be in full meltdown.

Here in the eye of the storm, we are immune.

So is what happens when you bring a child into the world. I know once things settle down, once we establish a routine and the newness of everything wears off, I’ll peer out from our fortunate tower and survey the carnage. For what’s happening now has consequences. And we can’t hide under the sheets forever.

Now that I am raising a child, the future of this world is paramount to me. As I watch her study her environment with growing understanding, it hits me. My daughter will grow up in the world we establish, and we are determining what is acceptable, and what is not, right now. We are negotiating the conditions our children will inherit. We are deciding the storms of their future.

All those with children can appreciate this. We may disagree, fiercely, about politics and policy. But two fundamental truths can unite us: we all want the best for our children, and we all share this one world. When I watch my daughter gaze into my face with her beautiful blue eyes, I’m reminded that her future matters more than today’s storms.

Perhaps if we approach our politics as parents first, we can focus on establishing a better world for our children. Maybe these truths can quell any emotional storms by uniting us in our shared longterm purpose: ensuring our children can live happy, fulfilling lives. Our love for our children can be the eye of the storm, the calm center from which we build a more peaceful world. 

The Enoughness Bridge

When you have a child

You experience this strange thing

Of “enoughness.” 

Your whole world is full

With the love for your baby and family.

I knew this bridge existed

Way off in the distance

But it was unseeable 

Until now.

I am crossing it

And a beautiful bridge it is.

They Say Baby

They say your entire life changes when your child is born.

They are right.

One, two, three four five. I used to write that children are the most important group of people in the world. How long ago those posts were.

Now I know it’s true. Our children are our future.

I just keep hearing Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s words in my head:

“I hear babies cry

And I watch them grow

They'll know much more than we'll ever know

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world”

They say our children will be better than us.

They are right. Will we leave them a wonderful world?

World Culture and Family

On the surface, Chinese culture appears as different as can be from American culture. When I moved to China in 2012, I had no idea what to expect. I anticipated some faceless collective, almost like a hive mind between all Chinese citizens, because of all the ‘collectivist culture’ insistence from my Sociology studies. How wrong I was.

I happened to look back at some photos from my time there the other day. It was easy to slip into reminiscence of my old life, now more than 10 years ago. How I lived in the city center’s hutongs, without a toilet or microwave. How I commuted via the Beijing subway, often with my longboard. How I lived young and free, sometimes staying up all night, walking back home in the early hours of dawn, when the locals were getting up and starting their days.

Looking down on Hong Kong from the highest bar in the world on Christmas Day, 2019

Dawn was always my favorite time of day in Beijing, because the city was quiet, and you sensed the history of civilization in the crisp morning air. Before the all the megacity sound erupted midmorning and you were lost in Beijing busyness. In that still dawn, it was possible to feel connected to thousands of years of culture.

Instead of faceless, collectivist communism, I learned that Chinese culture strongly values family. Everyone leaves Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen to return home during Chinese New Year and all the other important festivals like Tomb-Sweeping, Dragon Boat, and Mid-Autumn (my favorite) festival. Gathering with family and feasting are important pastimes. For much of its history, China was a poor, agrarian economy. Farmers now flock to the aforementioned Tier 1 cities for more opportunities and a better life, and the prospect and accumulation of wealth is challenging the country's traditional values. At least, that collision was occurring 10 years ago, when I lived there. I fell in love with the beautiful parts of Chinese culture, namely the significance of family.

How different is that from small-town America's values of faith and family?

Table Mountain from my office in downtown Cape Town, January 2012

South Africa would appear to be as different as can be from the Far East of China. Yet many South Africans primarily identify with their tribes over less significant affiliations like region or country. Cape Town is the most grimy cosmopolitan city I've ever visited, where you hear all sorts of languages while walking down the somewhat rundown roads. Tribes share a language, a culture, a history and genealogy, and that takes precedence in the modern world's politics. In a way, it is the same valuation of family and community that one experiences in China. I did experience it in both places, and am a better person for it.

In fact I am better for visiting all the places I've been to around the world, because they've shown me the diversity of cultures across the globe, and yet reinforced the uniformity. We may live differently, but we share the same desire: peace and prosperity for our families, however we structure them. Cultural diversity is beautiful and fascinating. So is the universal value of family. Our next step: seeing all of humanity as one family, inhabiting this rollicking blue orb.

Reading Books

One difference between reading and watching television: often a show or movie is chosen after first deciding to watch something, whereas a book is chosen specifically for its content.

People will plop on the couch and “see what’s on.” You sit down to read because you’re enthralled. Which activity sounds more worthy of our time?

Have you ever heard of a famous, successful person who watched a lot of TV? Roger Ebert doesn’t count—he also wrote reviews for reading, after all. How about any of the rich and fulfilled who happened to be voracious readers?

Largely, movies and shows are created to entertain or emote. Fiction can do the same, freeing your mind to fancy its imagination; Nonfiction, on the other hand, is created to make you think.

Screens inundate our vision. Books change our world.

See the Wonder

There's that Deepak Chopra quote about being happy for no reason, like a child. Just taking in the daily miracles that surround us.

After talking with a coworker yesterday, I tried to emulate what his four month old daughter does: embrace the fascination outside when driving. On my morning commute I did just that, taking in all the trees and buildings. Some of the trees had flowers, and I thought "how wonderful is it that some trees are flowering in January; what a beautiful drive." I saw a house with a cool balcony and realized someone designed that, someone built it, and that's just really cool. We have so many cool structures today, and it's so easy to simply pass by them without noticing.

In The Happiness Advantage Shawn Achor talks about the "Tetris effect," of noticing small things that make us happy and focusing on all the positives. He gives the example of two coworkers on a coffee break outside, with one saying "it's so nice the sun is out today" and the other remarking "it's too hot today." Both were true, but the two individuals had completely different perspectives about it.

We can all adopt this paradigm. We can all choose to see wonder. It's constantly all around us. It's kind of amazing how giddy you feel when you let it sink in, when you truly appreciate the magnificence in such "mundane" things we ordinarily take for granted. The rich smell of coffee in the coffee shop I visited this morning. The crisp cool air of winter. The quick smile I received from a passing stranger. These are all miracles from just this morning. How lucky I am to be alive and experience them.

We have the ability to chose what we see. Choose to see the wonder.

Interested in a “See the Wonder” t-shirt? Send a note to hey@trevorallenvision.com

From Fear to Wonder

I don't think I'll ever forget that jolt of fear when I first opened my eyes under the water. The thing coming toward me was massive, and I felt naked, exposed, powerless... and just pure terror.

It had taken a lot longer to reach the spot than originally planned--we probably sped along in our motorboat for close to 2 hours before we reached the seemingly innocuous patch of open ocean. This was off the coast of Quintana Roo, near Cancun, Mexico. Finally, we had arrived. And the creature had been spotted. It was time to jump in the water to see what we came for: whale sharks.

Whale sharks are harmless to humans. They're also incredibly alluring in the water, how they seem to glide effortlessly and peacefully through buoyant film. But I was terrified when I first got my bearings and saw the gargantuan fish slowly moving toward me. After a couple of seconds my logical brain took over and I calmly swam alongside the creature for about a minute. It was incredible. Despite moving so "slowly," relative to most things in the ocean, we had to swim near full throttle to keep up with it, as its huge tail fin, the length of my body, powerfully swayed back and forth in the water. Eventually, after kicking furiously after it for several seconds, the guide tapped my foot—it was time to go back to the boat.

The shark seemed totally at ease, indifferent to our presence. Whale sharks inhabit the tropical waters around the equator, and feed on plankton, much like baleen whales. Slow humans nearby are of no concern. And they're probably getting used to us; tourism trips centered around seeing them in their natural habitat are becoming increasingly popular. We just happened to realize it was possible to see them from Cancun while on a family trip. It sure puts our human limitations in the ocean into perspective.

It's amazing that whale sharks even exist on Earth. They are larger than any other fish in the ocean by far (the largest recorded whale shark was 18.8 meters). They have striking, stunning markings on their skin. It's as if God created the world and decided it wasn't interesting enough, and so created whale sharks. And we are the lucky recipients. We enjoy opportunities to not only scale mountains and traverse valleys and explore oceans, but we get to swim with these gentle giants in warm water. What an amazing world we share, with so many other beautiful creatures.

This is a Miracle

Einstein supposedly once said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I'm not convinced of the dichotomy, but I do believe there is great power in seeing the miraculousness of our existence. And anyone can do this; rich or poor, old or young, any adherer of any culture or religion, the talentless or the genius; we can all embrace the wild reality of our existence.

I once wrote a simple sign in sharpie on a piece of plain paper, and hung it on my bedroom wall:

This

is

a Miracle

It helps remind me to disengage from the tide of business in everyday life and reframe my thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes late at night I obtain this epiphany about this ride we're on. That I will die some day, that my loved ones will die, and that we won't be together forever. I reflect on how precious that makes our time together. We choose to be in each other's lives, and we try to make the most meaning, the most love, that we can. We optimize our experience together. But one day, it will all end.

Just that is a miracle. That we get to be alive together, in this moment. That we live on a shifting tectonic plate on the surface of a rock with a molten core, spinning around a huge nuclear reactor 90 million miles away. That we get to exist together in this apparently circumstantial set of surroundings, within the great void of the universe. It's truly bonkers when you pause and consider it.

Not only that, but we are not "separate" from it all, as if just plopped down from some outside space We are a part of the universe, as Eckhart Tolle explains: "You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle."

I believe if we harbor this awareness in the forefront of our everyday lives, it will radically transform how we live and how we treat each other. Every single human being on the planet can adopt this perspective and strive to embody it within their community. All of us enjoy the privilege of being alive in this moment together, on this fantastical world, in the incredible year of 2025.

This is the start of global consciousness, the recognition of our shared circumstances. And because this particular existence is unescapable, it has the power to unite us as one planet, one species. We all get to share this miracle together. Should this not inspire change?

A New President

There’s a new president as of yesterday. 

As I started writing this in the days leading up to the inauguration, I kept saying to myself, “we’re going to have a different president soon.” And I think he’ll be a new president; I don’t think he will be the same chief executive as last time. I am apprehensive, but I want to echo the words of Steve Kerr, whom I respect, in that I hope he does well. I hope he helps this country, because we need help. I have my doubts, but I will not sabotage the wellbeing of our country just because I don’t like our leader. 

I’ve never met Trump and probably never will, but I fear his fatal flaw as a leader: his inability to be wrong. Since 2016 when he entered politics, I’ve never seen him admit to being wrong or making a mistake. I’ve never heard him apologize. And that’s a terrible precedent to set for a country as its leader. Because we are all equal. The President of the United States is no more important a human than the child just born, than the immigrant who just entered the country. We are all human beings living on planet Earth in the year 2025.

We have the knowledge and technology to change, and if we only organize, we can change the world. We can ensure everyone on the planet has a means to eat and live. We can ensure everyone in the United States has opportunity to pursue a fulfilling, prosperous, healthy life. This is possible. We just have to believe it’s possible. If Trump aims to truly pursue this for the American people, then I will join him. But I need to see evidence first. Saying “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” would be a good start. Maybe he can change.

I didn’t end up watching any of the inauguration or surrounding coverage. It’s not because I was so upset about the change in leadership. It was more… I was just over it. And I don’t like being in that place. I wrote a draft for a blog post back in late November asking, “are you still watching the news now that the election is over?” Well I’ve stopped. We get fatigued. Politics matters. Political action changes lives. But the industry makes everything a crisis. When everything is a crisis, you can only pay attention for so long. 

We’re not in a good place as a nation right now. Many are apathetic. Some are excited. We all own the responsibility of marshaling our thoughts and emotions to make this country better. I hope Trump can lead us to a better place. But along the way, I hope we all remember that we’re all American, we’re all human, and we all want the same things. We’re so much better off than our parents’ parents’ generation. Let’s continue building and making the world better. United in that pursuit, we can change the world.

Contributing Back to the System

We like to think we're special or first, that we live in important times. No one wants to think they're ordinary, living in a boring time period.

But maybe this period really is special. Perhaps for the first time in human history, the common person possesses a skillset incongruent with the world they inhabit. Put another way, most people don't have the skillset to produce all the perks they enjoy on a daily basis. I don't know how a cell phone works—do you? AI and machine learning enable a complex economy and supply chain of which I have no idea how to build or operate. We show up to a grocery store, and food is there. We click a button on a website, and supplies arrive at our front doorstep the next day.

What does this mean? Do we have some responsibility to contribute back for this free ride we are getting?

Looking up Broadway Street in Nashville, Tennessee - May 2022

In ancient times, every human needed specific skills to survive. If a man couldn't hunt or protect the tribe from danger, he was no use to the tribe, and thus probably reassigned to something else in order to contribute. He may even have been banished, which was as good as a death sentence. Either way, he likely didn't reproduce much. It was the strong and competent who passed on their genes. This went on for thousands of years—think about it: we are the progeny of the survivors, the ones who solved problems and survived disasters. We are the inheritors of the most talented and capable humans.

Today, I benefit from technology of which I understand very little. I use my cell phone daily, and I could not tell you the basics of how it works. Advanced technology powers our financial and economic systems—I pay for everything with a credit card for instance—and I do not fully understand how it all works. When something ails me, I visit the doctor, who can diagnose and break down whatever health issue I'm facing and prescribe a treatment that can alleviate it. I don't understand the nuances of how any of that works. But I benefit from it. I live a fuller, healthier, more fulfilling and enjoyable life because of the work that so many have done. Do I deserve it?

Was I not simply born in the right place at the right time? I don't mean to imbibe guilt; we should be able to freely enjoy the perks of living in 2025 without shame. But we should recognize how good our lot in life is. We benefit from modern miracles all around us. Our lives are easier today than they would have been 10, 50, 100, 1,000 years ago. What do we give in return?

Charming Little Havana in Miami, built by a strong community - June 2022

We benefit from the system. It's our responsibility to give back to it, in some way, depending on our unique circumstances. It can be directly through our jobs—custodians literally clean up our community areas, after all. Some people work as electrical engineers or teachers or software developers or construction workers and literally build the system. It could be through any activity outside of our work—volunteering, donating money, raising awareness about causes. But it feels fair to give something, in some way.

We are part of a system, part of a global community, and we benefit from being a part of that system. We are the system. It's only fair to add to it, to help try to make it better for everyone else, and for those who come after us. After all, it feels good to be a part of something. It feels good to improve, to win. We can feel these things when we buy into global consciousness. When we work towards uniting humanity. When we inspire change in others. When we truly believe that we can change the world.

[Insert your Name here]'s Fable

It can feel daunting to “find your purpose.” Storytelling can help us see the big picture of our lives.

You can try this: write a short fable about your life. It won't be complete because you're still alive, but that's the point. Keeping it to 5 sentences or 300 words ensures you stick to the most impactful parts of your life. What would you write? How will it end? 

Here’s an example:

A boy was born in California to two loving parents. He was by all accounts ordinary, but love and fate intervened, and his life became extraordinary. Through sports, the boy learned the value of earnest and teamwork. He grew up and became a man. He traveled the world, seeking adventure. When he lived in Africa he met many people from all different backgrounds, learning the vital importance of education. It was here he received his vision to change the world through education. He moved to China, working as a teacher. He lost love, and learned family was the most important thing in his life. So he returned home, and there two extraordinary things happened. First, he met the love of his life, forever understanding that love, time and health are the most important things in life. From his travels, he realized this was true for all humans. Second, he used this abundance of love and his unique perspective to start TAV, to bring these lessons to life, and to prove to the world we can change it, adopting a global, universal perspective. For humanity is one species, living together on one planet in the vast cosmos, and it is much better to live united, pursuing change for the good of all. TAV was only moderately successful; the man never became rich or famous. But it was one of the early seeds for humanity’s planet-wide thought revolution. And, after all, as he had learned from his travels, TAV helped the man pursue the most important things in what would be a successful, fulfilling life: an abundance of love, in good health, for all the time of his long life.

Writing a fable forces you to see your own life from an outside perspective. And it can clarify the big important things: what makes you happy, what gives you satisfaction? How will you use your time in this one life? Perhaps this helps you determine your purpose in life. All that’s left is determining how best to finish the story.

On a Miraculous Ride, Truly Fully Deeply

What does it mean to live a meaningful life?

Recently I randomly thought, “I see my life as some kind of ride, and I don’t know where it’s going, but it’s meaningful.” I don’t know if it’s because I'm having a baby soon and understand it will change my life forever, or if it's because I’ve reached an old enough age in which so many important people are gone from my life, or if it’s simply because it’s a new year and I’ve been reflecting on my life, but I've been thinking a lot about love and meaning and reality.

I view life a certain way, as a miraculous ride, and it's really the impetus for TAV. We are all equal in so many ways. None of us know what’s in store for us. None of us know how long we’ll live, or what will become of our lives, or even what will happen tomorrow. We all rise each morning and go live. This is a universal human condition that cannot be undone. Our prophecies about AI and nuclear power and extraterrestrial colonization cannot change the fact that none of us know the future. Which is another way to say, we are all in the present moment together. Those who are awake at the same time are sharing something real, something powerful, the only thing that exists.

The Bay Bridge on a January morning

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, said Jim Rohn. Some people settle for relationships in life. They settle for a good enough partner, or stay friends simply because it's been that way. Not me. I truly and deeply love my tribe. Because we only have the present afforded to us, it doesn’t make any other sense than to love fully, and surround yourself, design your life, with those you love. I hope that’s said at my funeral—that I loved truly fully deeply. I’m far from perfect in most areas of my life, but I feel confident I’ve got love right. Your family is your family; you’re never given another one. And your partner, if you believe in monogamy and buy into our cultural institutions of love and marriage, is the most important decision you make in life. When you love them truly fully deeply, with every fiber in your being, with every cell in your body, as I do, your perspective becomes scaled. Love becomes just as important as any other factor, including your time and your health.

Another consideration is calling, sometimes put as purpose. I believe it’s possible to live one’s life with deep conviction of purpose, with supreme confidence that the actions one takes are the right actions, the most impactful actions possible from that individual. When someone repeatedly fulfills this purpose, day after day, it creates meaning. Time becomes your ultimate commodity, dwarfing money, because time is the only currency with which to pursue purpose. I'm not fully there yet, but I’m well on my way, and TAV is my vehicle.

Onward

At some point, usually fairly early in life, everyone realizes they will die. They understand that this, the present, is not permanent, and that it will end sometime in the future. This reckoning is a demarcation point. From that moment onward, we have an expanded perspective for the rest of our lives. We understand we have to choose, that we get to choose, what to make of our time and our energy. We have the agency to determine what to pursue with our remaining breaths, for one day, we will have our last breath.

How we move forward after this reckoning is what defines us as human beings. We can live with love, we can live with purpose… or we can live in fear. No one can make this choice for us; all eight billion of us have to decide for ourselves. Will we live with earnest? Will we wilt beneath the finality of it all? Will we truly value our time "here?"

Once you recognize it’s solely up to you to create your own meaning, you then have a second choice. Do you live alone, or with love? The secret: none of us really wants to be alone. We all want to share our experiences with someone. We all want to maintain the flame of consciousness with others when faced with the dark void just beyond the light.

Music, motion and companionship can all help deepen our sense of the present. Some exercises that can help kindle our sense of wonder and meaning:

1. Choose a few songs you love. Listen to them in silence, without distraction, and feel them. Let them stir your sense of meaning and conviction.

2. Go on a short walk alone, without your phone, preferably in nature. Walk in silence and listen to the Earth.

3. Sit with your partner and look into their eyes for 3 minutes without speaking. Welcome the feelings that arise and cherish any increased understanding.

I recognize I don’t know much. But I do know this is a wild ride, an unknowable journey that can only be written by us. Can we write it together?

First Contact Question

“If you could have a gigantic billboard anywhere with anything on it—metaphorically speaking, getting a message out to millions or billions—what would it say and why?” Tim Ferriss’ billboard question is well constructed and elicits insightful answers, but I think there’s a step further: “Aliens have landed--as humanity’s chosen liaison, you're tasked with first contact. What do you say? What’s the single most meaningful thing they could say to us?”

The alien question raises the stakes. It’s not just a proclamation of your personal philosophy, but an event with profound consequences. It's a contemplation about our place in the cosmos, our meaning and purpose in this universe. Such an exchange between two civilizations would carry implications for all of humanity, potentially Earth's entire biosphere. The alien question also encourages a broader perspective—what wisdom would an outsider deem essential for us to hear? It's an invitation for commentary on "everything," on all that we know and experience.

The Antarctic is another world

Imagine… you are chosen as humanity’s liaison. They want someone ‘ordinary’ to represent humanity, and yet also someone unique and extraordinary, because, after all, that’s what you are. The government takes you to the nearest airport, where a large private plane awaits. You are left to yourself as the plane transports you down, down the globe to the South Pole, stopping to refuel a few times. After many hours, the pilot's voice over the intercom informs you of the descent to Jack F. Paulus Skiway. Mere minutes later, you’re deplaning, riding in a truck to a huge alien structure—how can that fly, you wonder. Silvery beings, somehow distinct from the surrounding snow, await outside. Your passenger door is opened; you get out, and begin walking toward these strange sentinels. You stop some ten feet from them, and wait. What do they say?

The location of Antarctica also adds some depth to the thought experiment. The South Pole would be an ideal meeting point because it’s uninhabited and generally understood to be unowned. The Antarctic Treaty of 1959 ensures the continent remains a place of peaceful, scientific research. A rendezvous here would send the right signal to the world: instead of aliens landing on the White House lawn, in Tiananmen Square or outside the Kremlin walls, the South Pole serves as a neutral meeting point. And Antarctica is a faraway, foreign place to almost all humans.

(Peaceful) leviathans of the deep abound

The implications of this exchange would be profound. Imagine how it would impact global politics and society as a whole. Regan pondered this in his speech to the United Nations in 1987: “I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world.” What would we learn about ourselves through such an exchange? What would we say to the visitors? If we sought to convey our values, intentions, and questions, what would we say? Would our fundamental understanding of our place and purpose in the universe change? Would our concept of meaning itself change?

I believe aliens would communicate something along the lines of “you are not alone. You understand very little of this complex, incredible thing called reality. Be humble. Live with love. And we will show you the way.” Humanity is destined to make its own mark, regardless of any extraterrestrial species. But it sure would be comforting to know there’s someone else benevolent out there, willing to help, showing us the most important thing is to not feel alone.

The End of (Phone) Addiction

How can I claim this when my metrics are worse? Because the end is in sight, and momentum is on my side. I’m not even prioritizing phone use in my 2025 resolutions. Here’s where I’m at. On October 11th I wrote about fighting addiction to my phone. My daily average screen time was 4 hours and 21 minutes, and I averaged 72 pickups per day.

Based on Apple’s woefully limited dashboards from the past 4 weeks, my numbers actually increased by about 9% since then: 4 hours and 44 minutes of screen time, and 86 pickups per day. But there are some interesting things to note. 

First, I got a new phone on October 15th. Setting up a new device likely made some of this wonky. But I also doubled down on my “Phone Rules.”

• Live phone-free until 12pm every day, with the following exceptions

• I still use my phone as an alarm clock —> I got an alarm clock, so this became irrelevant

• I'll use my phone for meditation as part of my morning routine

• I can use Duolingo in the morning if I have downtime before work

• If I'm exercising, I get to listen to podcasts as my 'reward'

• I can listen to music at any time

Way of Life has useful dashboards that can export to Excel

I mostly adhered to this since I got my new phone, as you can see from this screenshot from my Way of Life app. And it reduced mental clutter. I’ve felt much more clarity over the past few months. It’s enabled me to focus on what matters to me. My phone was truly a tool, instead of a magic distraction device.

Getting my phone out of the bedroom was a big one. With a no light alarm clock adorning my bedside table, I was able to institute, and uphold, a phone ban in my bedroom. I also banned my phone from the bathroom, and guess what, I spend less time in there. Limiting the places I used my phone cut down on my usage.

But my usage increased right, so how can I say I cut down? Because Apple will also break down your most used apps in a given period. Google Maps routinely featured in my top three, and that doesn’t count—I’m driving, not using my phone. Spotify was also one of my most used apps, probably because I don’t turn off the screen while listening to music or a podcast. In this sense, that isn’t true ’screen time’ either. So really I only average about 4 hours of screen time per day.

Sometimes it feels like our phones controls us (London, 2023)

I was worried these 4 hours were hijacked by social media, as I get sucked into Instagram’s feed after posting my daily photo. But that app was never in the top 3 of my used apps any week, and my overall time spent on that platform was minuscule in the grand scheme of things. Whew! (Still, to better attack that vulnerability, I’m going to start batching my posts from my computer at a weekly cadence, to completely bypass the Instagram app.)

My real problem, my most used app, was Brave. I’m still surfing. However, I browse the web in my free time, toward the end of the day, when I’m relaxing at home. I’m not distracted by my phone throughout the majority of my day when I’m trying to accomplish things. I feel very much in control of my mobile device. I feel better, I somehow feel cleaner. And that’s really made all the difference.

These computers can be dangerous, they can distract us from what’s really important in life. Bumping into each other while looking down into our hands is not a good look. We can do better. My top advice? Figure out some basic “rules” for using your phone. Limit using it for a small number of activities, like calls, texts, photos, maps and audio. And strive to be more aware about your habits, improving slowly over time. I’m not quite there yet, but I feel I’m on the road to attention recovery. And as the attention obscurity fades, I look around and see a big, beautiful amazing world.

A Wonderful Life, My Journey in Three Tattoos, and Trevor Allen Vision in 2025

I teared up rewatching It’s a Wonderful Life over the holidays. Is the same message not still true, almost 80 years later? The people in life are what’s most important. We are social creatures, creatures of love. Our tribe is the main ingredient to the recipe for a wonderful life. 

I gave myself some grace and took some time away from TAV in order to fully enjoy the holidays with my tribe. But back in it, I remember it feels good to write and publish something to the world. James Clear’s most recent newsletter serendipitously reinforced this when he ventured, “The quality of my life is significantly higher on days that I publish an article. The creative process and well-being go hand-in-hand."

Wonderful Cape Town, taken atop Lion’s Head in 2011

It feels like I’m contributing. That’s what this is all about. Contributing to the universe. Putting what’s in my mind on the internet, putting my ideas into the world. Because I have something to share. I have traveled a lot, I’ve lived on 3 different continents, and I have a good perspective that’s worthy of sharing with others. That’s what TAV sells—my vision for a better world. Thinking about this, I realized my journey is encapsulated by my three tattoos.

I experienced the vision for TAV in 2011 when I moved to Cape Town, the first time I lived in Africa. Living on my own there, far away from any other members of my tribe, forced me to develop true independence. And because it was a completely foreign place, it opened up my mind and my world in a different way than just traveling. Traveling is wonderful; it provides a peek into other worlds. But to truly experience another culture, to understand it fully, you have to be immersed in it until it becomes mundane. Until you dread repeated chores in your living situation. Until you have a set of friends that no one back home knows except for you. Until your sense of “home” itself changes.

I received this education in South Africa when I was 23 years old. It was when I became a man. I commemorated this awakening with my first tattoo, a simple outline of the African continent with an eye looking East. Because from Cape Town I went to the heart of the East, the capital of China, Beijing. Completely different environment, that would again become my home. Somewhere that would teach me what it meant to be an adult in this crazy world, somewhere that would further elucidate the diversity of our species.

The street outside my Hutong in Beijing, January 2014

China also reinforced the importance of family, and I learned a lesson when I decided to stay for more than three years. I don’t regret this choice, because I think my life in Beijing provided a unique education that was irreplaceable and greatly contributed to who I am today. But I would not make the same choice again if I relived that period of my life. I would have left China a few times to at least visit my tribe. Still, that decision proved the importance of family to me. So I got my second tattoo, the Chinese character for “family” or “home,” read as “jiā.” It marks my understanding of the true meaning of family.

Shortly after, I returned back to California, and I had to find my way again. I spent a third of my twenties outside the United States, had given up any sort of head start into a typical career, and needed to figure out what I was going to do here. Would I live in the US for the rest of my life? Would I continue in teaching or at least education? I split the difference and began a career in Education Technology, which I’m still in today. 

But I also had to recover from the pain of unrequited love. I was lost in many ways, despite returning home. And then, after 2 years, I met the love of my life, and everything started to feel right. I moved out of sales and into product, which suits me better. We traveled around the whole world, visiting all 7 continents, with another extended stay in Africa, this time Tanzania. We have lived and loved and grown. We got married, having 2 beautiful weddings (a Covid blessing), we bought a home, and now we are starting a family. It is at this juncture I’ve obtained my most recent tattoo: an amaryllis flower on my forearm, an artistic token of my love, one that is always visible and can never be taken off. I feel whole and complete at this stage of my life, in that I’m with who I am supposed to be, and pursuing what I am meant to be doing: TAV, and contributing to the world.

My most recent tattoo when it was fresh 2 weeks ago

I think about all this as I contemplate possible resolutions. I’ve written before that I prefer to reflect on my development as a human during my personal “new year,” my birthday. But so much of our lives is determined by the school and calendar year. We’ve survived the darkest part of winter with the passing of the Winter Solstice, celebrated the most important cultural holiday with our tribes, and now have reached the ‘end’ of the year. The dates will soon slip to 2025. How will we be better? For that is the powerful way to frame resolutions—to think not about how much weight we might lose this upcoming year, or how we’ll resolve our personal problems. But how will we make the world better? How will we be better to each other? How will we contribute to the universe? 

I pledge to put more into TAV in 2025 than I ever have before. I aim to raise $5,000 for charity through TAV. I will pour my heart and soul into this venture because it is the best way that I can contribute, the best way to enliven my vision. It is how I can build upon my unique journey, represented through my three tattoos, and how I can convince everyone we couldn’t ask for more from this big beautiful amazing world. 

Sports Betting and Critical Thinking

I watch a lot of sports. Probably about 4-5 hours per week, depending on the season and time of year. Yet my relationship to sports has evolved. Recently, I've pondered two particular aspects of our modern American sports culture: betting and fandom.

Sports betting has exploded in popularity in recent years. It also seems to be the one vice I don't have, so I'm pretty foreign to this world. But I wondered: does sports betting help us think critically? You'll hear bettors rationalize their bets: "X beat Y by 3 points, Y beat Z by 10 points, so X is going to beat Z." I'd wager a lot of gamblers employ more critical thinking in their sports betting than in any other part of their daily lives. Because there's a monetary interest inherent in the activity, they think critically through the factors that influence their bets.

Maybe this changes as gambling devolves into an addiction, I don't know—that's outside the scope of this piece. But there's definitely some legitimate critical thinking going on within this world. I asked my friends J, C and T some basic questions about how they bet (slightly edited for clarity):

Biggest factors you consider when placing a bet?

J: “I am a trend guy… If there isn’t consistency I don’t take it. There are subscriptions now that have stats…and that stuff is wild. I use less of my gut and favoritism and try to focus on the facts”

C: “Where they are playing, who is home who is away, if one team has a guy that’s been playing well or not. I always take their records into consideration but more so care about the spread/‘the line’ of that particular game. And lastly obviously gut.”

T: “Biggest factors are based on the teams I watch regularly so I have a good handle on how they are playing and what stats certain players are trending at. I look at factors such as stats and feeling as well; it’s a balancing act. Really depends on how much I’ve watched that player/team.”

Your top advice? 

J: “Don’t gamble what you can’t afford. I put $100 in January and I am up to $300. I don’t make this an income type of system. I do it for the thrill of making any game that’s on a little bit more exciting. If things go right I make a small amount.”

C: “Never wager outside of your means. Do it for fun. Betting is just an added layer of entertainment not a means of income.”

T: “Biggest advice is to start small; pick sports you enjoy watching.”

This is a small, homogenous sample size. Notice these are all men. Their average age was 33 years old. But it’s clear from their answers that none of my friends are addicted to gambling. All three of them are obviously thinking critically about their bets, even if they all see it as simply entertainment. They all mention some role for instinct or ‘feeling,’ but either consciously try to minimize it or see it as one part of a balanced approach. All three of them stress financial responsibility. 

With the sheer amount of content online and the rise of disinformation and misinformation, critical thinking is increasingly important in today's world. To operate as a functional society, we must be able to consider information, consciously evaluate its truthfulness, relevance, and purpose, and rationally understand why we believe something to be true. Literacy, and digital literacy, are key components to coexisting together in a big, noisy world. Maybe sports betting provides some practice.

Of course, sports betting strays from the simple evaluation of facts to the murky waters of prediction. And I'm not arguing that sports betting is the perfect encapsulation of critical thinking. But can it serve as a microcosm? Maybe it's an (entertaining) vehicle that helps us get there? All I'm saying is, the pitfalls and consequences of sports gambling are well known. But we often throw the baby out with the bathwater. Maybe it can contribute, in some small way, to stronger critical thinking skills among the population.

Adventure Lens

It’s that lead up period to the holidays and the end of the year. In the US, Christmas is entrenched as a cultural holiday, regardless of one's relationship to religion. Most families have traditions they partake in every year. We cut down our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, have a friends holiday party, enjoy a fondue night at my parents' house, and then have the typical get togethers on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

It’s kind of wild how much of December is dedicated to Christmas—it's one twelfth of our year. You see Christmas movies on all the streaming services, the radio plays holiday songs, and families everywhere are embracing their Christmas traditions. It dominates everything, especially when there are children in your life. It's almost as if the Christmas cheer keeps everyone warm and hopeful through the darkest month of the year, when there's little sun or warmth. And this is coming from a Californian; I can't imagine what the winters are like in the northern states, year after year.

Christmas tree farm above Black Road earlier this month

And this is my last Christmas without children. My wife and I have been relishing our alone time together. We had a lazy morning this past weekend, and I told her it was one of the last times we'd be able to do that for a long time. It's a weird feeling, anticipating your tribe growing. My wife is the most important person in my life, and yet I know we’ll soon be adding someone just as important. It's also reinforced that notion you hear: “your partner is the only one who truly loves you. Your parents love you because you're their child, you love your family because you were born with them, but you love your partner for who they are and you choose them.” And now we've chosen to start a family. This pregnancy has been a time of transition. It's weird. I know there's significant change to come.

I've journaled about big change before. When a big change comes, there's only so much you can do to prepare for it. Mostly, you simply have to react to the unknown when it happens—your anticipation is limited because, well, it's unknown. I thought about this often growing up when it came to big graduations. When I knew college was looming, I tried to enjoy the end of high school. I was familiar with my friends and teachers and environment, and although I had chosen my college, had visited it, I knew it would be completely different than all I knew up to that point. I had no friends at my new school. It was in a different city. I would be studying completely new subjects, living away from home for the first time. I was eager to play football, but I knew the standards were elevating, in sports and my studies. It was a new level.

Similarly, when I was leaving college, I figured my time in school was over; I didn't have plans to attend graduate school. So it was out into the 'real world' for the first time. I didn't know what industry I would work in or what kind of job I would have (courtesy of a liberal arts education and choosing to major in Sociology, which does have its perks, but this one large drawback). I knew I was walking through another door, and that it would be another world on the other side. I also knew I could never go back.

American desert outside Las Vegas

I felt similar anticipation when I moved abroad, first to South Africa, then to China. Both times, I knew my environment would be completely different. I went to South Africa with a friend, and I had visited there the year before, but I also knew living in Africa would be completely different than visiting for 5 days. We lived in a hostel for the first month, then moved into a house with a bunch of roommates after we finished our teaching program. After getting accustomed to Cape Town, I decided to move to China. This was a big leap—I had never been to Asia before and knew no one on the entire continent. I didn’t speak a lick of Chinese. I definitely looked over a precipice on my flights to Beijing.

Our coming child feels somewhat similar. We are both excited, don't get me wrong, but I also recognize this might be the most significant change I'll ever encounter in my life. Once our family grows, it will no longer be about just us. I will forever think about my child. When I wake up each morning and go to sleep each night, my child will likely be the first and last things I'll think about. I will forever be concerned with their well being for the rest of my life. This isn't a bad or scary thing per se, but it is a significant change. Perhaps I'm showing my naiveté here—I wouldn't know. The point is it's a new adventure awaiting us.

I think that's an important lens to use in life. Even something as 'standard' as starting/raising a family, which billions of others do, can be considered an adventure. Life can seem mundane if you let it. That’s how our brain works. It's up to us to “step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure” (as Dumbledore puts it).

Well, I cannot wait for the one before me. My life will change forever. I approach the unknown. And I'm eagerly stepping forward, in the long cold nights of December, to embrace the adventure.

Attention to Love

Chris Stapleton is right: love is more precious than gold.

Love is my top priority. It can’t be acquired by anything other than love, by the opening and pouring of your soul into another person. It’s not worth anything to anyone else—it’s not a commodity. It can’t be exchanged for anything else. Love is only valuable to you and the person you share it with. It’s not something you can ‘have.’ Love can only be given and experienced. It’s what I seek, what I prioritize, what I try to attribute the majority of my attention to in this one life I get to live.

Because attention is a finite resource, and our great power is our ability to choose how it is allocated. I wrote about this recently. Attention is determined by the length of our life, our time; and by our biological capacity for processing information: our brain has a finite capacity for processing a certain amount of information in a given time. We can’t process every single thing we experience simultaneously in a given moment. We have to choose what to focus on. We get to choose.

A good portion of our waking hours are dedicated to basic activities like eating, working, driving, etc. So of our 16 hours each day, we only get a slice of ‘free time,’ when we can allocate our attention to whatever we wish. And love is my top priority. With all the time and attentional units I have left to me, I choose to maximize moments of love.

I am so grateful for the love in my life, and I choose to focus on that, not money or recognition or status. Love is above any competition for priorities. My writing and photography for TAV is an expression of my love for humanity and this planet. It is how I can contribute my love to the particle soup that is our local region of this vast universe. Any fun I have is with those I love, any pursuit or hobby is to experience love for life. I choose love.

As Chris says, it can’t be bought and it can’t be sold. It’s up to us how much attention we give love.